Ok, so have you ever seen a movie where a character suddenly has an epiphany -- where what was pointedly obvious to the audience, suddenly slips into place in the character's mind? I have. I also used to sit and wonder how things that, objectively, were so readily apparent, could elude a seemingly intelligent person for so long. Well folks, queue my trip to North Carolina...
First, a little background information [that I'm not afraid to admit]:
1) Traditionally, I have not been the most financially responsible person. In fact, I would describe myself as extremely irresponsible with money. I would go in-depth about this issue and it's various incarnations, root-reasons, and what not, but suffice it to say that I was lazy and immature. Margaret and I have had multiple conversations about becoming/ being financially responsible for my sake, as well as the sake of having a healthy relationship together. (Duh, right?). While I completely and totally understood these conversations at the time (and whole-heartedly agreed with them), I'm not sure that the issue really *clicked* for me. That isn't to say that I was lying when I said I would BE financially responsible, or that I didn't logically understand the rationale behind our talks. No, I'd compare it more to staring at one of the "magic-eye" posters. You know the ones - where you stare at the picture long enough, and upon going slightly cross-eyed, see a "hidden" image in otherwise colorful abstract vomit. (Great mental image, no?). Someone can TELL you what the image is, sure -- and you may even see it when the person points it out. But having someone tell you is NOT the same as discovering the image on your own.
2) Growing up in North Carolina would not have been my first choice, if as a two year-old both my opinion on the matter was asked, and that I could intelligently respond. I felt, up until the day I left, that I never really *belonged* in Greensboro (or North Carolina for that matter). I love my family and friends, but it's hard to put how I felt/ feel into words. Those of you that have experienced the inward tug toward some other place will understand; those of you have not, won't.
3) At various points throughout the last year, Margaret has turned to me and asked why exactly I love her.
Is that it? Yes. I think so. Maybe not. I don't know. If I've left out any background information that will help I'm sure you can connect the dots (or it simply isn't as important to the story as you may think). Ok... so... my epiphany in North Carolina.
It was probably 10pm, when I was driving back from Rob's apartment downtown. I was cutting through UNCG's campus on Spring Garden, sifting through a host of conversations Margaret and I had had over the last few months, when several things simultaneously fell into place in my mind, and they occurred in this order:
1) More than ever, I feel that North Carolina is/was not where I was supposed to be. I can't tell you where I'm supposed to be geographically, but it is not in North Carolina. Knowing where things are, how the city is laid out, and having friends close at-hand are all bonuses, but do not, ultimately, make up for not feeling like you fit the culture/ mold of an area.
2) I want to be financially responsible for myself first and foremost. Not because I want nice *things* (though that's an obvious bonus down-the-road), but rather because I know what I want in life. I want a car that is paid for. I want a home. I want to eliminate any/ all outstanding credit card debt. And I want to be the rock my partner can rely on, not an anchor weighing her down. (I truly wish I could express this part of my revelation more clearly, because I know I'm failing miserably but I hope you get the jist).
3) and 4) I had been wondering WHY this trip seemed so off-kilter since the moment I landed, and it comes down to one thing; Margaret is not with me. While I was driving through campus, I realized that this trip has been empty because I haven't been able to look over at her and smile. I haven't been able to share any of my thoughts or the nostalgia of being back in the place we met. I realized that when I left Campbell, CA I left a piece of my heart as well. I could and have listed a host of reasons why I love Margaret, but like so many other things in life, I was over-complicating. I love Margaret not because I can't live without her. I love her because when I am alone, I catch myself looking for her. I think about things and turn to tell her something (only to realize she isn't there). I love her because I want experiences in life to begin with "we" not "I". I love her because when she isn't around my world is somehow less bright.
My mini-revelations may make me seem silly, cliche, or incredibly retarded (in the case of finances -- no offense intended by using the word), but I'm okay with that. Tomorrow? Back to Campbell, CA and my Margaret. (She'll like the "my Margaret" part). Adieu!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
To social-network or not to social-network: that is the question
Social networking sites making us 'less human'?
If you've had your head buried in Facebook and other social networking sites, as many of us do, it might be contributing to making you and the rest of the world "less human," contends MIT prof Sherry Turkle in her new book, "Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other."
The Brits put it this way in a story about Turkle in the Telegraph: "The way in which people frantically communicate online via social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook can be seen as a modern form of madness," according to Turkle, the newspaper said.
Turkle — one of the earliest observers and students of technology's effects on human beings — is now saying what many of us have thought privately — if we take the time to think: We have seen our real-time interactions with friends and family erode as our eyes — and attention — are glued to Facebook and Twitter on our mobile phones and computers.
All of that, Turkle writes, is making us "less human." This, despite the fact that Facebook, in particular, has become a vital link for many family members and friends who might not otherwise communicate in person, because of distance and time.
But some agree that familiarity that Facebook can breed sometimes extends to the unfamiliar, and takes away from the personal nature of the site, part of its early appeal.
"We all know techno interaction is 'less human' the moment ... a total stranger asks after 5 minutes of one-to-one conversation, 'Hey, check me out on Facebook, it will be cool to have you as a friend.' NOT!" posted one Telegraph reader in response to the story.
"Facebook demeans the word friend, and as for Twitter ... why do I NEED 'strangers/ followers' to respond to my EVERY knee jerk sentiment?"
But, noted HedleyC, in a posting: "We were mad before Twitter came along."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, while I am a current Facebook user (and former MySpace user), let me just say: Bravo! For the last two years, I'd been trying to verbalize some of my thoughts on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter -- and tonight I stumble across the above article.
I strongly maintain that Facebook and other such social networking sites are really isolating entities masquerading as social interaction. Online social networks give the illusion of relationship without touch, without seeing body language, facial expressions or even hearing a voice. There are no consequences for saying outrageous and hurtful (even mortally hurtful) things. Slowly but surely, we're losing our ability to communicate or function any place other than behind our laptop(s) -- our very humanity. As such, we've become a generation with less compassion -- empathy -- than any that have come before. Don't get me wrong; I understand the potential benefits of these networking sites, but it takes maturity (maturity which, sadly, even many adults lack) to recognize those benefits and not abuse the forum(s) they provide. The ever-growing number of children plugged in to social networking sites is frightening as well. A disembodied voice, without parental supervision, one that can command attention or influence others, is a truly disturbing prospect. Under the best of circumstances I've seen children running amok -- now we throw in a forum for them to spread/ multiply that single-minded immaturity? Yikes.
Question(s) posed by my girlfriend (MR Toomey):
What then are the alternatives to being plugged-in 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?. How do we snap out of this dependency on social media? Why do people (companies as advertisers, employers, etc) insist on using it, feeding into the NEED to be on these things?
If what you say is true, what also must be true? Or, how can we fix the social ill you are pointing out?
My response:
We concentrate more on actually living life, than trying to show others we're living it via social media.
We post only the updates and share information with the people we truly WANT to communicate with.
We analyze, identify, and eliminate the superfluous information about ourselves -- available to anyone curious enough to look. Who on Facebook NEEDS to know where we're in school? Who NEEDS to know what city we're currently in? Who NEEDS to know our hometown?
We start by setting aside one day a week that we, under no circumstances, log in to social media.
We completely step away for 24 hours, and focus on the important facets of our lives.
After a few months, we maybe take 2 days away, and so on, until we've weened ourselves from social networks.
If short, we begin living our lives offline.
Ultimately, my question is this: Is our dissolution of human interaction a fad, or a symptom of a larger problem -- a growing laziness? When does the counter-revolution begin?
"Men have become the tools of their tools." -Henry David Thoreau
Truer words, were never spoken...
The Brits put it this way in a story about Turkle in the Telegraph: "The way in which people frantically communicate online via social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook can be seen as a modern form of madness," according to Turkle, the newspaper said.
Turkle — one of the earliest observers and students of technology's effects on human beings — is now saying what many of us have thought privately — if we take the time to think: We have seen our real-time interactions with friends and family erode as our eyes — and attention — are glued to Facebook and Twitter on our mobile phones and computers.
All of that, Turkle writes, is making us "less human." This, despite the fact that Facebook, in particular, has become a vital link for many family members and friends who might not otherwise communicate in person, because of distance and time.
But some agree that familiarity that Facebook can breed sometimes extends to the unfamiliar, and takes away from the personal nature of the site, part of its early appeal.
"We all know techno interaction is 'less human' the moment ... a total stranger asks after 5 minutes of one-to-one conversation, 'Hey, check me out on Facebook, it will be cool to have you as a friend.' NOT!" posted one Telegraph reader in response to the story.
"Facebook demeans the word friend, and as for Twitter ... why do I NEED 'strangers/ followers' to respond to my EVERY knee jerk sentiment?"
But, noted HedleyC, in a posting: "We were mad before Twitter came along."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, while I am a current Facebook user (and former MySpace user), let me just say: Bravo! For the last two years, I'd been trying to verbalize some of my thoughts on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter -- and tonight I stumble across the above article.
I strongly maintain that Facebook and other such social networking sites are really isolating entities masquerading as social interaction. Online social networks give the illusion of relationship without touch, without seeing body language, facial expressions or even hearing a voice. There are no consequences for saying outrageous and hurtful (even mortally hurtful) things. Slowly but surely, we're losing our ability to communicate or function any place other than behind our laptop(s) -- our very humanity. As such, we've become a generation with less compassion -- empathy -- than any that have come before. Don't get me wrong; I understand the potential benefits of these networking sites, but it takes maturity (maturity which, sadly, even many adults lack) to recognize those benefits and not abuse the forum(s) they provide. The ever-growing number of children plugged in to social networking sites is frightening as well. A disembodied voice, without parental supervision, one that can command attention or influence others, is a truly disturbing prospect. Under the best of circumstances I've seen children running amok -- now we throw in a forum for them to spread/ multiply that single-minded immaturity? Yikes.
Question(s) posed by my girlfriend (MR Toomey):
What then are the alternatives to being plugged-in 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?. How do we snap out of this dependency on social media? Why do people (companies as advertisers, employers, etc) insist on using it, feeding into the NEED to be on these things?
If what you say is true, what also must be true? Or, how can we fix the social ill you are pointing out?
My response:
We concentrate more on actually living life, than trying to show others we're living it via social media.
We post only the updates and share information with the people we truly WANT to communicate with.
We analyze, identify, and eliminate the superfluous information about ourselves -- available to anyone curious enough to look. Who on Facebook NEEDS to know where we're in school? Who NEEDS to know what city we're currently in? Who NEEDS to know our hometown?
We start by setting aside one day a week that we, under no circumstances, log in to social media.
We completely step away for 24 hours, and focus on the important facets of our lives.
After a few months, we maybe take 2 days away, and so on, until we've weened ourselves from social networks.
If short, we begin living our lives offline.
Ultimately, my question is this: Is our dissolution of human interaction a fad, or a symptom of a larger problem -- a growing laziness? When does the counter-revolution begin?
"Men have become the tools of their tools." -Henry David Thoreau
Truer words, were never spoken...
Monday, February 7, 2011
It's Time.
Kiser Middle School. 8th grade. I was 12 the first time I was asked to create a journal. I was sitting in Mrs. Ruth's English Class; I remember it like it was yesterday. After years whining that I wasn't being heard, I had been given a voice -- snap -- just like that. Someone actually wanted to know what I had to say. I remember staring at the page unsure where to begin. I remember years of pent up thought being vomited on to those blank pages. I remember wondering why I hadn't discovered the concept and begun a journal earlier.
Fifteen years later, I find myself wondering how.... why... I ever stopped.
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